Your ex shouldn’t get yesterday’s interest rate and today’s access to your credit. If they’re staying in the home, leaving your name on the mortgage is like leaving your wallet on the counter with a sticky note that says “help yourself.”

What “double dipping” looks like

• They live there while your credit carries the loan. Late payments dent your score.

• Your debt-to-income stays bloated. Blocks your next place, car refi, or new credit.

• You hold risk without control. Liability with zero say-so.

The clean exits (pick one, put it in writing)

You’ve got two legit paths. Either is fine—the key is a written lender release removing you from liability.

1. Refinance by the staying spouse
   New loan, their name only, fresh underwriting. Yes, it may raise the rate, but it cleanly severs your risk and resets terms. If affordability works, this is often the fastest, least-ambiguous route.

2. Mortgage assumption by the staying spouse
   Lender re-underwrites them to take over the existing loan terms. Useful if keeping a great rate is make-or-break. Still requires the lender’s written release of liability for you.

Bottom line: refinance or assumption—either way, no release = no deal.

The timeline blueprint

• In the settlement: Spell out refinance-or-assume, with a written release required either way. Use real deadlines (e.g., “Apply within 15 days of entry; decision in 45; closing in 75”).

• If assumption is denied: The fallback isn’t vibes—it’s refinance or list the property for sale by a set date.

• Until release is issued: Require monthly proof of on-time payments (auto-pay screenshot or lender statement). One late payment triggers the fallback.

Scripts you can steal

• To your attorney: “Our proposal requires refinance or assumption and a written lender release by Day 75, with a list-for-sale fallback if it doesn’t clear. Please include enforcement language.”

• To the lender/servicer: “Post-divorce, the staying borrower will refinance or apply for assumption. I require a written release of liability removing me from the note. Please send your process and timeline.”

Common gotchas (myth-buster)

• “The decree removed me.” Courts divide people; lenders enforce contracts.

• “They’ll refinance…eventually.” Dates + consequences or it drifts.

• “Payments are current, so I’m safe.” Current today isn’t protection tomorrow.

• “Due-on-sale blocks changes.” Assumption is a lender-run path; refinance replaces the loan entirely.

• “We’ll sort it out later.” Leverage shrinks after the ink dries.

Your mini-checklist

☐ Settlement requires refinance or assumption + written lender release (release is non-negotiable).

☐ Hard dates + a sale fallback if financing fails.

☐ Proof of monthly payments until the release arrives.

☐ Utilities/accounts off your name by a set date.

☐ Title reflects who actually owns the home.

Grab the guide that makes this simple

I put everything you need to prepare allow you to prepare for the assumption conversation with your lender and your attorney: Mortgage Assumption & Release Checklist. Download it free here.

Assumption not an option, check out the: Plan B: Refinance or Sell Mortgage Resolution Guide. Download for free here.

Micro-disclaimer: I’m not your lawyer or lender. This is educational—not legal, tax, or credit advice. Talk to a pro in your state before you sign anything.